Wednesday, April 10, 2013

My Book, part 3: The Blurb

OK, I think this is it... any and all thoughts are welcomed! **updated**

*****

KINETIC

Being strong is one thing. Being an unlimited source of power is quite another.
Genetically altered by the Organization, Annie Fox takes down criminals CIA-style with her luminary strength. With nothing to mend but her broken heart, she is relentlessly pursued by her boss Derek Lake. Just when Annie is about to give him a chance, her ex-husband unexpectedly comes out of hiding.

A wanted man, Nick Logan is a cold-hearted murderer who is considered enemy number one, and orders are clear: kill on contact. He is more powerful than ever and threatens the lives of those she holds most dear. His plan? Get his hands on Annie and use her Kinetic energy to destroy them all. When Annie finds herself with an opportunity to end him, she pauses, horrified by the scars covering the face she once loved. A split second that will cost her everything…

The Plan & Title Reveal (could change)
Main Character Intro

52 comments:

  1. This sounds so good, SK! I love it, well done. :)

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  2. I have one question...When and where can I purchase your book? Readers will be excited for sure. The blurb sound fantastic :) Great Job SK!

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  3. It's very good. I think it's appealing and intriguing. I want to read the book now! :)

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    1. You are making me grin from ear to ear :D

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  4. It has a good hook, I'm interested.

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  5. I'd want to read the book based on your blurb. Great job.

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    1. I do understand how positive feedback helps with the writing. Good luck with this one, S.K.

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  6. I like it! Would like to know what you mean by everything at the end tho. :) Maybe specify the stakes clearer would help.

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  7. Hey! First line, put a period instead of a comma. Make them two sentences to be grammatically correct. And instead of saying "end him," I think be a little more specific. Like end his life? Or end his killing? Other than those little details, it sounds like a really kickass book!

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    1. Grammar shall be fixed!
      Hmm, its supposed to mean to end his life since orders are to kill him, I didn't realize it wasn't clear, thanks so much for pointing it out ;)

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    2. You're welcome! I figured that's what you meant but just wanted to make sure!

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  8. An intriguing storyline and characters!

    Here're a couple of suggestions.

    When you said "relentlessly pursued by her boss," I didn't understand that you meant romantically - but maybe it's just me.

    I also recommend this: "enemy number one. Orders are clear: kill on contact."

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    1. Awesome :)
      I see what you are saying, thanks for the notes, I'm taking them all in before working on the blurb again, but changes will be made!

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  9. Hey S.K.!

    I'm glad I stumbled across your blog! I love your blurb. It makes me anxious for the whole story! :)

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  10. Well done! Great good stuff for a query letter.
    Just stopping by for the A-Z Challenge. Juliet atCity Muse Country Muse

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  11. This was very well done! I enjoyed reading this very much.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  12. Wow! That's a blurb worth celebrating with fireworks! It's awesome, and exciting!

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    1. Thank you! I must buy fireworks now lol

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  13. Can I read your book right now? That's the feeling I felt after reading that blurb.

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    1. Yes, yes you can. But by "right now" can we take that to mean in a few weeks? :D

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  14. It's a wonderful blurb, S. K.! Very compelling and definitely leaves the reader spellbound. Great job!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Deanie ;)

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  15. That's a great blurb - it certainly makes me want to read more!

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  16. Thanks for stopping by my blog, I think you have a winner here, good luck and keep us posted with dates, cover reveal and all!

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    1. I definitely will, Yolanda. Thanks for the positive thought ;)

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  17. Hi S.K.!
    I love the first line and the last one. What comes in the middle is a bit confusing. I'm gonna take the opportunity to give you a crit. You may think it's presumptuous, but you're free to ignore it. ;-)

    Being strong is one thing, being an unlimited source of power is quite another.

    Genetically altered by the Organization, Annie Fox takes down criminals CIA-style with her luminary strength. (What’s CIA-style? Don’t they just use guns, not strength?) With nothing to mend but her broken heart (This sounds a bit odd. What else would she have to mend? Clothes?), she is relentlessly pursued by her boss Derek Lake. ("Relentlessly pursued" sounds a bit like she's now a rogue agent and has to be chased or he's some kind of obsessed stalker who's after her for a reason we don't know.) Just when Annie is about to give him a chance, her ex-husband unexpectedly comes out of hiding.

    A wanted man, Nick Logan is a cold-hearted murderer who is considered enemy number one (You just wrote he’s wanted, so “enemy number one” is redundant.), and orders are clear: kill on contact. He is more powerful than ever (What’s his “power”? Does he have super strength like her?) and threatens the lives of those she holds most dear. His plan? Get his hands on Annie and use her Kinetic energy to destroy them all. (Who’s “them”? Annie and Derek? All the CIA? The entire world?) When Annie finds herself with an opportunity to end him, she pauses, horrified by the scars covering the face she once loved. A split second that will cost her everything…


    I’m going to suggest some changes. I’m sorry if I’m mis-stating any details of your book, but I just wanted to give you an idea of how to write the facts in a logical way that would be easy to understand for someone reading it for the first time:


    Being strong is one thing, being an unlimited source of power is quite another.

    Genetically altered by the Organization, CIA-agent Annie Fox takes down criminals with her luminary strength. Her personal life, not so luminary. Her handsome, courageous boss Derek Lake wants to mend her broken heart, but just when Annie is about to give him a chance, her ex-husband unexpectedly comes out of hiding.

    Nick Logan is a cold-hearted murderer and a wanted man. Her orders are clear: kill on contact. But he’s become even more dangerous and has a plan of his own. He’s determined to get his hands on Annie and use her Kinetic energy to wreak vengeance on all those who’ve wronged him. When Annie gets the opportunity to end him, she pauses, horrified by the scars covering the face she once loved.

    That split second will cost her everything…



    Good luck! :-)

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  18. Lexa,

    I actually haven't made any changes since I posted it because I'm not close to publishing, so yes, opinions and suggestions are welcomed. Thank for you taking time to read and do a crit, I really appreciate it!
    You would be a good beta reader for writers, cheers are nice, but brutal honesty and questioning things that might be wrong are what help us out in the end :D Better to know these things now than after the book has been published.

    Blurbs are supposed to leave the readers with questions but more curiosity than these technical ones I seemed to have left you with, my bad! I like your rewrite a lot, I'll probably incorporate some of your thoughts into it when I finally sit down to change it, what you wrote is great but not everything is factual.

    Just in case you are curious, Annie is not a CIA agent. She does the type of work they do (and btw, they are also trained in combat and such) but with a twist that makes her a "Luminary"... I wrote it as a wordplay there but, this is of course explained in the book. There are sci-fi reasons for certain things.

    The whole "relentlessly pursued" part... well, I would like to explain it to you but I would be giving away spoilers on it. However, I will say that yes... the word obsessed fits in nicely.

    Your second to last question, I see what you are saying with "who is them all?" It was supposed to be referring to her "dear ones" from the previous statements along with her and, yes, everyone int their organization. I have to make that clearer.

    BUT, Nick does not have super strength like her, he has his own abilities which will be shared in the book. And in actuality no one wronged him. He is the person gone rogue and is now after "taking" over their world.

    Thank you ;)

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  19. Thanks for all the explanation, S.K. I accidentally assumed this blurb was for querying agents, and since I've been down that street many times, I was very picky in the crit. (It's so hard to attract an agent.) If it's for the blurb on the back of your book, it doesn't have to be so detailed. It's enough it there's a hook and the basic plot -- and you've done that!

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    1. Oh ok, I still question it though lol
      Thanks for taking the time to trying to help me ;)

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  20. Good Luck with your book, S.K. I thought the blurb was intriguing.

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  21. I want to read this book! Thanks for coming by and encouraging me today.
    Tina @ Life is Good

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    1. I hope you do get a chance to read it and I hope it doesn't disappoint! Thanks for taking the time to read the blurb ;)

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  22. Well, well, well, if that isn't intriguing then I don't know what is. I look forward to seeing it on the bookshelves at B&N!

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    1. Oh my goodness, I would DIE if I saw it on one of their bookshelves lol

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  23. Wow!, the blurb sounds great. I am intrigued by what scars (secrets her ex-husband hides). Definitely eager to read more.

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  24. This sounds really great! I am really intrigued by the story.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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    1. Yay, Gina! Glad to know it can be intriguing :D

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  25. Hi Katharine .. I enjoyed the concept in this .. the strength of the characters and then not knowing, as I'm tempted by the excerpt, of where it's all leading ..

    Interesting and as Gina says .. intriguing .. cheers and good luck - and thanks for coming by the get healthy blog hop .. Hilary

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